My son has found out that Super Mario Brothers is quiet challenging. He has trouble maneuvering the little, plastic-encased rectangular remote in a way that doesn't kill his character after a few minutes of going through the normal Mario growth changes. On t.v. my son grows after he's found mushrooms, gains the power to freeze his opponents or burn them to a crisp once a red or blue flower has been snatched up, and can fly high into the sky after finding a helmet with a propeller on it. Honestly, he's really good at it from my perspective, but from his, he basically is horrible at the game. It sucks to see my little four year old, once confident and very passionately driven, become so scared of his video-gaming failures that he would choose to watch his mommy or daddy play the game he's now too cautious to love. Seeing this I tell him, "don't give up on yourself, why don't you try it again." And with a newly carved hope that's a little less confident than before, he picks up the controller, wipes away his runny-nosed, tearfully exasperated frustrations and failures, and tries once again to not make the same mistakes he made three minutes ago, and best the challenges that cut him down to crying. It's funny how he always shows me a less exaggerated version of what it is to be human, and in my case continually fuck up.
When looking at things (things being the countless life opportunities to start fresh, re-visit my wrongs, and try to make the best of my mistakes) I can see that I'm a full fledged idiot for the most part. Not to say that in all walks of life I'm dunce-capped, I have just noticed that my legacy thus far has written nothing short of a comedic tragedy. Seriously, how many times can you re-write the book of Genesis and have Eve still go up to the apple and eat it before saying, "Hey dumb-ass, the apple is the undoing of the rest of your existence!"? Wow, my friends would never let me hear the end how I punctuated that last sentence. Anywho.......
I guess what it is that has gotten me into my silly situations, revisiting them time and time again has been the fact that I've allowed a combination of ill-advised fears, self-serving actions, and completely impulsive thoughts overtake what it is to make "the best decisions." My definition of the best decisions being: a series of thoughts and actions that produces outcomes that are neither harmful physically or hurtful emotionally to all parties involved. The way I see things, if you consciously work towards being the person that you would like to be friends with, have care for you, and essentially rely on, then the possibility of you doing something harmful or hurtfully is greatly lessened. But, seeing as though this is idealism to an infinitive degree, there is and are big holes in how this "best decision making" is realistically put into action. Cause with every jump you make, no matter how much speed you gain or what flying hats you wear, you might not make it to the destination you had intended to land on, or even worse, you might have made a leap that you weren't meant to make from the beginning.
So what is the solution? It's really sorta sadistic to keep playing the same game you keep failing at, even if you do come at it with a renewed sense of determination and different game plan. Sometimes, you'll get those advantages of an icy flower, but only end up creating an icy relationship from the wrongs you've thrown out there. Other times, you'll burn those bridges with the fiery intensity that you've used in the past to fuel your dreams. Oh weather, lies, and alcohol; headaches, text messages, and money; sex, misunderstandings, and misconceptions. They all make for a very valid reason to curl up, not hit the restart button, digress to being a spectator, and become to scared to take the reigns again.
How sobering.
Long story short, you just gotta get past your mistakes. Being human means a lot of different physiological things. One of the most important of them being our sense of vision. Our eyes have to be focused on what is in front of use to be able to avoid, move forward, and find our way. It's not to say that we have peripheral vision, and the ability to look behind us for what we've already seen, left behind, or are trying to remember. But focusing on your past makes it where you will never make it safely to the future that you're trying to walk, run, or crawl towards.
Maybe I can learn from my son and learn to inspire myself enough to beat that next level of life. And even if I fail again, I can keep working at making the "best decisions" possible with a new way of making them be my reality.
Peace Y'all
When looking at things (things being the countless life opportunities to start fresh, re-visit my wrongs, and try to make the best of my mistakes) I can see that I'm a full fledged idiot for the most part. Not to say that in all walks of life I'm dunce-capped, I have just noticed that my legacy thus far has written nothing short of a comedic tragedy. Seriously, how many times can you re-write the book of Genesis and have Eve still go up to the apple and eat it before saying, "Hey dumb-ass, the apple is the undoing of the rest of your existence!"? Wow, my friends would never let me hear the end how I punctuated that last sentence. Anywho.......
I guess what it is that has gotten me into my silly situations, revisiting them time and time again has been the fact that I've allowed a combination of ill-advised fears, self-serving actions, and completely impulsive thoughts overtake what it is to make "the best decisions." My definition of the best decisions being: a series of thoughts and actions that produces outcomes that are neither harmful physically or hurtful emotionally to all parties involved. The way I see things, if you consciously work towards being the person that you would like to be friends with, have care for you, and essentially rely on, then the possibility of you doing something harmful or hurtfully is greatly lessened. But, seeing as though this is idealism to an infinitive degree, there is and are big holes in how this "best decision making" is realistically put into action. Cause with every jump you make, no matter how much speed you gain or what flying hats you wear, you might not make it to the destination you had intended to land on, or even worse, you might have made a leap that you weren't meant to make from the beginning.
So what is the solution? It's really sorta sadistic to keep playing the same game you keep failing at, even if you do come at it with a renewed sense of determination and different game plan. Sometimes, you'll get those advantages of an icy flower, but only end up creating an icy relationship from the wrongs you've thrown out there. Other times, you'll burn those bridges with the fiery intensity that you've used in the past to fuel your dreams. Oh weather, lies, and alcohol; headaches, text messages, and money; sex, misunderstandings, and misconceptions. They all make for a very valid reason to curl up, not hit the restart button, digress to being a spectator, and become to scared to take the reigns again.
How sobering.
Long story short, you just gotta get past your mistakes. Being human means a lot of different physiological things. One of the most important of them being our sense of vision. Our eyes have to be focused on what is in front of use to be able to avoid, move forward, and find our way. It's not to say that we have peripheral vision, and the ability to look behind us for what we've already seen, left behind, or are trying to remember. But focusing on your past makes it where you will never make it safely to the future that you're trying to walk, run, or crawl towards.
Maybe I can learn from my son and learn to inspire myself enough to beat that next level of life. And even if I fail again, I can keep working at making the "best decisions" possible with a new way of making them be my reality.
Peace Y'all
